Tuesday, September 30, 2008

THE TOOTHPASTE THEORY & RELATIONSHIPS

My best friend from college and I devised a “toothpaste theory” whenever it comes to relationships, and for the life of me, I can't remember how this evolved. I think that it was the brainchild of my best friend, and we most likely embellished it along the way. Anyway, it has been a mainstay touchstone for the success of relationships in our lives, so before you laugh at this, you might want to at least consider the sound scientific research that I am about to present. Oh, and I have written it in the sense of “girl meets boy” and then proceeds to psychoanalyze boy...based on his toothpaste. Make sense to you?


So, we've all been there. Giddy, in love, wondering if this is “the one.” Compatibility is huge, but instead of looking at obvious things to tell if it's golden, all you really have to do to see if there is a strong cosmic connection is tell your significant other that you need to powder your nose. Then, while you are in the bathroom, take a hard look at his toothpaste. There is much that you can glean from such a seemingly “innocent” tube of toothpaste, but it has evidence written all over it!

I am not talking “brands” as much as the actual state of the toothpaste tube itself, but perhaps more qualified Toothpaste Analysts might delve into more complicated theories like…Is whitening involved…vanity? Anything sparkly about the tube…girly? Is there something particularly patriotic about Aquafresh...might he join the army one day? Those sorts of deeper questions. Hmmm…

Keep in mind that there is no right answer here. Just FACTS. You have to decide for yourself if you are compatible or not. So, let’s get into the theory:

1. The Bunched Tube:
The toothpaste tube has one of those doodads on it that allows you to always have the paste bunched up near the top of the tube so that it is easy to get the perfect dollop onto your brush. You know; those plastic things that you slide up as you use the paste?

Psychological Implications:
Perfectionist who is not particularly spontaneous as a general rule. This person probably has a sock drawer organized by color; all his ties are hung neatly at all times; all his cups match in the cupboard; and he might even have potpourri out on the mantel. This person also probably has wreaths for every holiday ready to hang on the door, never misses anniversaries and is thoughtful.

2. The Evolving Squashed Tube:
It looks like the dude just grabbed the toothpaste in the middle and squeezed. If you date this person long enough, you might see the evolution of it being squeezed in the middle; some paste gets on the tube, but it always seems to get rolled at the bottom and wiped clean before there is a point of no return. Then, voila, the paste is bunched at the top once more.

Psychological Implications:
This person can be spontaneous and let loose every now and then, but he always goes back to what’s important in life. He is not so far out there that he'll forget to pay the car note or something basic like that.

3. Pump Tube:
This is a mystery, so you really have to look at things like…Is there toothpaste running down the cylinder? Is there goopy paste around the top of the pump so that you can barely squeeze it onto a brush?

Psychological Implications:
Look at theories 1 & 2 and try to apply them to this mysterious tube of toothpaste. Perhaps this person has heard of the toothpaste theory and does not want to incriminate himself in any way!

4. Missing Cap:
So, you go in the bathroom, and there is toothpaste all in the sink – dried, wet, or gelled beyond belief. You also see, sort of draped across a hairbrush, an almost empty tube with the life squeezed out of it, and absolutely no CAP…anywhere to be seen.

Psychological Implications:
Run for the hills! This person might not even brush his teeth for one. Eeewww! But, forget flowers on your birthday. Forget him remembering to take out the trash on trash day. He is probably the type to go out and buy underwear at Wal-Mart at midnight rather than do laundry. Or worse, turn them inside out instead!

So, I hope that this helps you in someway either pick the right significant other or…understand your significant other in a deeper way. This has, after all, been a deep, deep, deep, deep psychological journey into the unstudied sciences of “The Toothpaste Theory.”
THE SWITCH FROM "LONGING" TO "SAVORING"

I am not sure that we, as people, are programmed to not "long" for something. It seems so natural. The whole "grass is greener" bit. But, there is a fine line between setting goals for the future and truly longing for something that you do not currently have in your life. I was struck by this thought one evening in the middle of a conversation with a much older gentleman.

You see, that very same week, I was thinking about how nice it will be whenever my kids are grown and out of the house. (Cough) Yeah, so they are 2 and 8 months…not really happening tomorrow! This conversation really touched me because earlier that week, I had just dreamily mentioned to my husband (no less, after the millionth horrid diaper that I had changed that day), about how fun it will be for us to just go whenever – wherever – however and watch a sunset on the beach – something to that effect.

Well, back to the older gentleman. He said, "Wow, you had better really enjoy this time with your kids. It's a wonderful time. I just packed away our last son and sent him to college. It's so quiet in the house now." That got me thinking how much we (sometimes) long our lives away. It's pretty sad if you dwell on it, but that's why I am writing this entry. It's a way to say – let's not long our lives away – but truly savor every moment.

Here is how I think it breaks down (in most cases):

Baby – Longing to eat, sleep and have that disgusting diaper changed!

Toddler – Longing to communicate and, of course, be the boss.

Kid – Realizing (hopefully) that he/she is indeed not the boss. Longing to be a "cool" teenager instead.

Teenager – Longing for a license to drive, get out of high school and be "free."

College Student – Longing to get out of school and be "free."

Single/Working Person – Longing to get married.

Married Person – Longing for kids, and then the other kid, etc., perhaps a dog or cat!

Once you Have Kids – Longing for peace, sleep, relaxation, and for them to grow up a little and not be so darn needy.

Once your Kids aren't so Needy – What happened? Longing to connect with your kids.

Once your Kids are out of the House – Longing for a full house again. Noise, excitement.

Grandparent Stage – Longing for grandchildren.

Older People – Longing for retirement.

Retired People – Longing for company from friends and family, something useful and meaningful to do, or simply, the way things used to be in the world – the past.

So, instead of longing for things, why not savor what you have? After all, you spend "however" many years longing for it! Enjoy each stage, truly savor everything. Even if you are not destined for marriage or having children, there are other things that you can do that a married person with children might not be able to do as readily. So, it's all in the way that you look at things. The point is to not get stuck in doom and gloom and longing because it's not worth it. We are all on this planet for some reason, and so, embrace the time that you have, and try to make a difference without longing your life away!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

BREATHE, CHILL OUT & LIVE A LITTLE

So, it’s Sunday, and the preacher is talking to me. Well, the congregation, actually, but do you ever get the feeling that the preacher is directing attention to your pew? Creepy. Kinda like being in a museum, and the eyes on paintings are following you all around. But…I digress. He was talking about Godly wisdom. Nothing you can learn from going to college or anything, unless you are talking about seminary, I suppose. My preacher had an insightful way of talking about this, gaining Godly wisdom, but this FB note is just “inspired” by the sermon – not 100% what was said on Sunday morning. The point is that I DID get something out of it, and I felt like sharing. I have not mastered life’s lessons for sure, so don’t think that I am on a soapbox at the ripe old age of 29. I just wanted to pass this message along – that’s all.


WHEN I HAVE WHITE HAIR:
So, whenever I am old, I don’t want to be wise – like – I know everything and you don’t, sista! (Two snaps). But, I truly want to learn from life and be wise from what I HAVE gathered and open to what is NEW always, always. So, to gain wisdom, first, you have to look up. And second, you have to step away from your own preconceived notions, diminish your own ego for a few seconds, and really take in what someone is saying. Say, you don’t agree with 95% of what they are telling you, if you learn from the 5%, then, it was worth it. Even if you don’t learn a thing, at least, they don’t think that you are an egotistical jerk. That’s always a good thing.

CHILL OUT, LISTEN & BREATHE:
It’s easy to take ourselves so seriously. It’s like whenever you are a teenager, and you think that someone is talking about you just because they looked up and stopped talking whenever you walked by. That’s ridiculous! Maybe they just thought that you were “fabulous” – cool shoes or something. So, don’t assume the worst case scenario. Stop thinking about what you are going to say whenever the person in front of you stops talking. Stop looking at electronic gadgets whenever there is a living, breathing person in front of you. How weird. There was a study that I saw on the news about spouses preferring their blackberries to their spouses. Blackberries?! How terrible!


MOVING FORWARD EACH NEW DAY - POSITIVE ATTITUDE:
One thing for certain is that time moves forward, and we are all moving forward even if we are trying to remain safe, unmoved and stationary. If you are in a rut, or if something horrible is going on, no matter what, the next day is on its way, and the next night is on its way. Sun, moon, sun, moon, etc. So, you might as well approach life with a positive attitude. I am a big believer in positive thinking. I am not a nut case about it, but if you don’t think there is a solution, one is probably not going to magically appear. Makes sense to me. So, moving forward with a positive attitude in all things is much better than sulking or becoming numb to the opportunities all around you. (a.k.a. feeling sorry for yourself). Your life will change even if you are standing still, so you might as well be in the driver’s seat rather than letting the car of your life weave all over the place just because you can’t seem to find the “right” map. I know this is not always easy, especially right after tragedy strikes, but having a positive attitude with a “can-do” spirit is better than having a negative attitude. Gotta be. Just look at Eeyore. Do you want to eat thistles your whole life?

So, in a nutshell, truly enjoy what you have, listen to everyone’s ideas, think about where you are going, chill out, breathe, and don’t forget to live a little!

Saturday, September 20, 2008

THOSE LITTLE THINGS THAT STAY WITH US

The other night, I started laughing, just thinking about an incredibly funny thing that happened to me in college one sunny afternoon. The thing is that the memory, as far as I could tell, had nothing to do with anything that was going on. My husband was perplexed, and it was one of those things that I didn’t think would be funny if I retold the story. You know what I mean…

Anyway, I started thinking about things that make memories. It is easy to get caught up in being like a Ping Pong ball bouncing back and forth, not truly thinking about why we are doing the things that we are doing, mainly because it just takes too much dang energy.

So, I decided to make a random list of things that bring back memories:

*Getting snow cones after swimming in the summer.
*Letting glue dry on your fingers, and then peeling it off to see your fingerprints.
*Drawing pictures on a dirty car with your fingers.
*Playing in puddles on rainy days.
*Picking blackberries and discovering new places in the woods.
*Making and decorating a birthday cake instead of buying one.
*Listening to music on vinyl with crackling sounds.
*As a child, reading along with a record that would have a magical fairy noise whenever it was time to turn the page.
*Laughing in church whenever you are supposed to be “serious.”
*Sleeping late on rainy days. (Like that happens anymore!)
*Eggnog on Christmas morning.
*Sitting around campfires during cool months.
*Scratchy tutus and a stage filled with little ballerinas.
*The smell of new school supplies: crayons, construction paper and glue.
*Game night, cut grass, mud, lights, band, cheering crowds and all the “glory.”
*Smell of lavender on a clean baby, soft coos, sweet smiles and bright eyes.
*Brewing coffee for a good friend.
*Watching falling stars from the comfort of a trampoline.
*Sitting on a porch swing on a humid night with a gentle breeze blowing through.
*Letting an older person look you in the eye and tell you how it used to be.
*Black and white television shows or classic movies.
*Popping popcorn and curling up on the couch with the family.
*Having family jam sessions.
*Making pancakes on a Saturday morning.